Today's jokes [4.2.12]

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What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?      

They drowned in Spring Training.

Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been 
for you?" Ed asked.
"Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife 
turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our 
savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run 
over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car 
rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down 
recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it 
all my business has just gone bust."
"Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Ed said. "What business were you in?"
"I sell lucky charms," said Ted.

Doctor: We operated on your eyes and we've managed to save one of them.

Patient: Oh, thank you very much.

Doctor: Yes, we'll give it to you on your way out.

Did you hear the joke about the football game with the 0-0 score?

Never mind it's pointless. 

A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that is
sitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangelled Banner!
Everyone who hears this wants to see him do it. So he tells everyone to
gather around him, then he climbs up on the bar, drops his trousers and 
proceeds to take a massive dump on the bar counter. After he
finishes the disgusted bartender says "Why in the hell did you shit on my
bar?" The drunk replies "Even Elvis had to clear his throat!"

Sent by Paul

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