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Today's jokes [4.16.12]

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Q: What similarities are there in a condom and a casket?
A: You come in one and leave in the other, and they both hold stiffs.


1. 




What goes in and out and smells of piss?

The Queen Mother

2. 




A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places
they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded
countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running
along the road.
The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did
here forty years ago."
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and
he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They
made love like never before.
Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never moved
like that forty years ago--or any time since that I can remember!"
The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!" 

3. 




The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive 
imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you 
wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"

"No," her husband replied.
"Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."

4. 




Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?

She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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