Today's jokes [4.14.12]
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Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would
take to LICK a bathroom clean?
A naive young girl goes into the doctor's office. She says, "Doc, I'm
getting married and
I'm a little inexperienced, so I'd like to ask you a few questions."
He says, "All right."
She says, "All right...what is that thing that hangs between my
fiancÚ's legs?" The doctor
says, "That's the penis. The male organ, the penis." She says, "Okay.
And what is that
big red knob at the end?" The doctor says, "That's the glans. The head
of the penis, the
glans." She says, "Okay. And what are those two round things, about
behind the head?" The doctor says, "Well, lady, I don't know about
your fiancÚ, but on
me, they're the cheeks of my ass."
A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the
desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem,
the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move
until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go
along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat
off the camel every day for the first three days. On the fourth day, the
camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares
to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And
again. Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says
"For Christ's sake, what do you want now?" The camel puckers up and makes
little sucking noises.
A WOMAN'S SCHEDULE
1. Get up.
3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea.
5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don't have to stop in the
6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty
restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there.
7. Get to work at Burger King. Pee. Wash hands.
8. Lunch. Slimfast. Pee.
9. Arrive home. Pee. Shower. Pee.
10. Promise sex to husband. Pee. Get up in the middle of sex
11. Pee. Go to bed. Get up at 3 A.M. waking husband but
instead of giving him head, go and pee.
A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical.
"What's wrong?" her mum, (another blonde) asked.
"My boyfriend's just dropped me!" wailed the blonde.
Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and
"No mum," the blonde interrupted. "You don't understand - I can fuck and
suck with the best of them, but he says I can't cook!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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