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Today's jokes [4.12.12]

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Whats a blonde's favorite surgery?

A Slipodictomy.

1. 




Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a heck of a lot better than
                        the penalty for murder!

2. 




An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady,
entered the doctor's office.
"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and
take your clothes off."
"No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."
"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."


Sent by Stan


3. 




Why is it estimated that only 99 percent of all people masterbate?

The other 1% were either taking the poll or answering the door!

4. 




The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed
of working since a young boy.  He was trying to impress
the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir',
it's real simple.  Add the number of times we dive to the 
number of times we surface.  Divide that number by two.
If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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