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Today's jokes [4.11.12]

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How do you know when your girlfriend is too fat?

When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo 

1. 




A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got to
do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!" 

"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies.
"Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass." 

"But you don't understand," the woman insists. "He sleeps
with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."

2. 




A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. 
As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and 
then leaves. This happens a second time. The third time this happens, she 
says "Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?"
The man replied, "Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!" 

3. 




for you girls...

Why is 88 better than 69?

You get 8 twice.

4. 




   
   A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning.
   His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He's laying
   in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart.
   His wife wakes up and asks, "What the hell was that?"
   He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."
   She thinks to herself "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose.
   He yells at her, "What was that?"
   She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
   Now he thinks, "I'm gonna fix her." He's laying there for about 10
   minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he shits in bed.
   The wife asks, "Now what the hell was that?"
   He replied, "Half time, switch sides."


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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