Today's jokes [3.9.12]
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How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
They all gather around their cash registers and sing
"What a Friend We Have In Jesus..."
Q: Did you hear about the call girl who accidentally made two appointments
at the same time?
A: She managed to squeeze them both in.
"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist.
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people
are fond of animals.
As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog that we are very
"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel, ummm...
*physically* attracted to my horse."
"Hmmm," the doctor asked, "Is it male or female?"
"Female, of course!" the man replied.
"What do you think I am...GAY???"
So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological
arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth.
One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority
rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided
to appeal to a higher authority.
"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and
they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"
It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his
prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It
rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I
knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm
clouds form on hot days.
So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to
show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a
bigger sign!" This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed
toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning
slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.
"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted
that nothing had happened that could not be explained by
The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just
as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth
shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S
The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three,
and said, "Well?"
"So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2."
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind
2. No business.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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