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Today's jokes [3.9.12]

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How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
They all gather around their cash registers and sing
"What a Friend We Have In Jesus..." 

1. 




Q: Did you hear about the call girl who accidentally made two appointments 
at the same time?

A: She managed to squeeze them both in.

2. 




"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist. 
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people
are fond of animals.
As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog that we are very
attached to."
"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel, ummm... 
*physically* attracted to my horse."
"Hmmm," the doctor asked, "Is it male or female?" 
"Female, of course!" the man replied.
"What do you think I am...GAY???" 

3. 




So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological 
arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. 
One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority 
rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided 
to appeal to a higher authority.

"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and 
they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his 
prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It 
rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I 
knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm 
clouds form on hot days.

So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to 
show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a 
bigger sign!"  This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed 
toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning 
slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted 
that nothing had happened that could not be explained by 
natural causes.

The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just 
as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth 
shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S 
RIIIIIIIGHT!"

The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, 
and said, "Well?"

"So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2." 



4. 




Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
 
1. No mind
2. No business. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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