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Today's jokes [3.5.12]

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What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes ?

    Nothing, you told her twice.


1. 




Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over 
by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window 
with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the 
trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.

The driver says, "Why'd you do that?

The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, 
you'll have your license ready."

Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. 

He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the 
passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls 
his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the 
nightstick.

The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"

The cop says,"Just making your wishes come true."

The passenger says, "Huh?"

The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're 
gonna say, 'I wish that sucker would've tried that shit with me!'"

2. 




On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the 
minister. "Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profit
from the mistakes of another?" 
"Absolutely not!" replied the pastor. 
"In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if you'd consider
returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me
last July." 

3. 




Jon starts working in a lumber camp.  The boss says, "We 
work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at 
ten-thirty, and you can put your dick in the barrel over there for 
a blow job any day but Thursday."

Jon says, "Why not Thursday?"

The boss says, "Because Thursday is your turn in the barrel."

4. 




Six stages of married life:

1: Tri-weekly
2: Try weekly
3: Try weakly
4. Try oysters
5: Try anything
6: Try to remember

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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