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Today's jokes [3.31.12]

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What sits at the bottom of the bed and constantly takes the piss???

A kidney dialysis machine!


1. 




   One of those discount airlines recently had a promotion where they
   offered free air-fare to wives who accompanied their husbands on a
   business trip. Seeking some valuable testimonials, the PR unit of the
   airline sent out letters to the wives who took advantage of the offer.
   
   I understand both written and telephoned responses are still flooding
   their offices asking, "What trip ?"


2. 




   A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on
   the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and
   brings it into the car.
   
   She says, "Look, its shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"
   
   He says, "Put it between your legs."
   
   She says, "What about the smell?"
   
   He says, "Hold its nose."
   


3. 




Two accountants were discussing a colleague's interest in one 
of the firm's new secretaries. "I just don't get it." said one. 
"She's an airhead -- nothing going on upstairs.

"That may be true," replied the other, "but I don't think that's 
the floor he's getting off on."

4. 




A girl runs home to her mother crying, "I can't marry Joe! He's an 
atheist! He doesn't believe in God or Jesus or anything! "Don't worry, 
Honey," said her mom. "But Mom, he doesn't even believe in Hell! "Don't 
worry, Honey," repeated her mom, "you marry him...and we'll convince him!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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