Today's jokes [3.25.12]
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Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were
invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was
partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa. After many hands, the
Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the
door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his
wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize, to which the
Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first
time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."
There were two cats that enjoyed running together.
The first cat was english, called One-two-three.
The other was french and called Un-deux-trois.
One day when they were running they came to a huge
river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as
far as they could. Which cat drowned?
Un-deux-trois cat sank
(un deux trois quatre cinq)
Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local
bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear
about his wedding night.
Jake says, "Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up
the stairs, undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so's
me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of
my sons came upstairs and lifted me off of her."
The bartender says, "Why did it take three sons to get you off?"
Jake says, "I fought 'em."
A guest from some foreign country was bragging that in HIS
country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.
Ray listened patiently. "That's amazing. Where I come from
there's really only one."
"Oh," sniffed the Romeo, "just one? And which way is that?"
"Well, there's a man and there's a woman . . . "
"Praise Allah!!! Number 80!!!"
Another Cow joke I attribute to my 'Ol chemestry prof was the placement of
a cow onto the roof. I would presume a fairly storng roof, but once up
there it would be hard to hide the fact to the cow that any direction would
Another pratical joke involved the use of outhouses. Once the target has
established himself you take up the slack on the attached rope which has
been measured to set up tremendious harmonics in the structure. When the
rope transfers your strumming to the outhouse, it usually falls apart with
a most revieling nature..
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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