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Today's jokes [3.24.12]

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When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he 
got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist.
Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living. 
I think I'm gonna top myself."
"Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "My wife ran off and left 
me too, yet I'm happy."
"How?" asked Joe.
"Easy," replied the quack. "I threw myself into my work. I totally 
submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work 
do you do?"
"I clean out septic tanks." Joe replied.

1. 




   A coupla Aggies, Buck and Thurleen, married after graduating from
   Texas A&M, are driving from Dallas down to a motel in Austin for their
   honeymoon. Along the way, Buck reaches over and puts his hand on
   Thurleen's knee.
   
   Thurleen smiles, blushes and says, "Oh Buck, we're married now, you
   can go farther than that!"
   
   So he drove on to Laredo.


2. 




Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and 
a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban 
neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and 
worked their way to the other end. 

At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window 
watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his 
younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the 
truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady 
from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. 
They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men 
running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

3. 




Q. What's the brown stuff between the elephants toes ?
A. Slow natives.


4. 




Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led
down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had
given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and
a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning
to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"

To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you
please play The Macarena for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked,
"Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"

"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

Sent by Zena

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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