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Today's jokes [3.23.12]

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The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn 
in as American citizens.
"It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at 
last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?"
"Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook 
dinner and I get on top!"

1. 




   A wild rabbit got caught and was taken to a laboratory. While he was
   in there he befriended a rabbit who had been in the lab since the day
   he was born.
   
   Anyway, one evening the wild rabbit noticed that his cage hadn't been
   properly closed, and decided to make a break for freedom. He asked the
   lab rabbit if he would like to join him. The lab rabbit was unsure, as
   he had never been outside the lab. However, the wild rabbit finally
   convinced him to give it a try.
   
   Once they were free, the wild rabbit said, "I'll show you the number
   three best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field full of lettuce.
   
   After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show
   you the number two best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field
   full of carrots.
   
   After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show
   you the number one best field." and took the lab rabbit to a warren
   full of female bunnies. It was heaven, non-stop bonking most of the
   evening.
   
   As dawn was beginning to break, the lab rabbit announced that he would
   have to be getting back to the lab.
   
   "Why?" said the wild rabbit. "I've shown you the number three best
   field with the lettuce, the number two best field with the carrots,
   and the number one best field with the bonking. Why do you want to go
   back to the lab?"
   
   The lab rabbit replied "I can't help it - I'm dying for a cigarette!"
   


2. 




What's green and has wheels?



A Frog

I lied about the wheels



3. 




   A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market
   looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster,
   one that could service all of his many hens.
   
   He told this to the market vendor. The vendor replied, "I have just
   the rooster for you". Dom here is the horniest rooster you will ever
   see!"
   
   So the farmer took Dom back to the farm. Before setting him loose in
   the henhouse though, he gave Dom a little pep talk.
   
   "Dom", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff."
   
   And without a word Dom strutted into the henhouse. Dom was as fast as
   he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much
   squawking and many feathers flying, till Dom had finished having his
   way with each hen.
   
   But Dom didn't stop there. He went in to the barn and mounted all the
   horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to
   the pighouse, where he did the same.
   
   The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop,
   Dom,you'll kill yourself."
   
   But Dom continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
   Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Dom lying there
   on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and
   his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Dom.
   
   The farmer walked up to Dom saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you
   did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you my little buddy."
   
   "Shhhhh," Dom whispered. "The buzzard's getting closer."
   


4. 




How can you tell when your girlfriend's horny? 

    You stick your hands in her panties and it feels like you feeding a horse. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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