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Today's jokes [3.22.12]

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A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.
The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the
blind man and hands him a menu. 
"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read the
menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous
customer, I'll smell it and order from there." 
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty
dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to
the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind
man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep
breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and
mashed potatoes." 
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks
towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's
wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind
man eats his meal and leaves. 

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner
mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me?
I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a
dirty fork." 
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to
the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man
says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macarroni and
chesse with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief,
the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him
and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes
in he's going to test him. 
The blind man eats and leaves. 

He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's
him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary
rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." 
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind
man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. 
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have
the fork ready for you." 
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and
says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"


1. 




Mary went to Jill's place to tell her about a horrible experience she'd
had the previous night with this bloke she brought home.
"Well, what happened when you got there?" Jill asked 
"The bastard called me a slut!" Mary said.
"And what did you do then?" Jill asked, shocked.
"I told him to get the fuck out of my bedroom and take his eight
mates with him!" Mary said.


2. 




Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is
having an affair with his secretary."

"I don't believe it for one minute !" Marie snapped."You're just saying that to make me jealous !!!" 


3. 




What is the difference between a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk?

A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

4. 




Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses "I 
want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days." and Moses 
says "Yeah sure." So Jesus gets up and says "I think I'll walk on the 
water, that was always a good one." So Jesus walks over to the edge of the 
boat, steps into the water, and sinks like a stone. Moses drags Jesus back 
into the boat and revives him. Moses then says "What's the problem?" and 
Jesus says, "I think its the holes in my feet!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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