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Today's jokes [3.20.12]

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A bus stops and two Italian men get on.  They sit down and engage in an 
animated conversation.  The lady sitting behind them ignores them at 
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say 
the following: 
"Emma come first.  Den I come.  Den two asses come together.  I come 
once-a-more.  Two asses, they come together again.  I come again and pee 
twice.  Then I come one lasta time. 
"You foul-mouthed swine" retorted the lady idignantly. 
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" 
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.  "Who talkin' abouta sex? 
I'm a justa tellin' my friend how to spell a 'Mississippi'." 


1. 




   It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
   zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
   sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass
   in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
   
   He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet),
   grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously
   excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing
   the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
   
   The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play
   along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises
   that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one
   of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear
   the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"
   
   ... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
   
   Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
   door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell
   HIM you have a headache."
   


2. 




How can you tell if your college roomate is gay?

-His dick tastes like shit. 

3. 




The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large 
supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here 
in the supermarket.  Can you talk to me for a couple of 
minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife
appears out of nowhere."

4. 




   This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years
   ago that I lost my dear wife and children.
   
   I'll never forget that game of cards...
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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