Today's jokes [3.2.12]
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Why do they bury lawers 26 feet underground?
Because deep down, they are really nice guys.
Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres has a new line of sneakers "coming
They're called "dykeees". They have a longer than normal tongue and you
can get them off with one finger!
The Wisdom of Youth Never give up because life gets harder
as you get older.
After preschool the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and
bumpier. Angela Martin, age 11
Never blow in a cat's ear because if you do, usually after three or
four times, they will bite your lips! And they don't let go for at
least a minute. Lisa Coburn, age 9
Don't think life is easy, because when you get older it is hard work.
I used to think life was easy, now I have to do the dishes every other
day. Nick Coleman, age 9
Take risks. I mean, if you like this person and you don't know if they
like you, ask them out and see what happens. I liked this girl and I
asked her out. She said no and she hates me now, but I took that risk.
Bruce Wagner, age 13
A realist is more correct about things in life than an optimist. But
the optimist seems to have more friends and much more fun. Megan, age
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with
explosions. When people run around and around in circles we say they
are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. Rainbows are
just to look at, not to really understand. Someday we may discover how
to make magnets that can point in any direction. A vibration is a
motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. Many
dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to
be oil. Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you
don't why you should. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to
let them know we know they're there. Some oxygen molecules help fires
burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against
Sign of drinking problem...
You shout, "I'm not as think you drunk I am."
Sent by JC
A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his
decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother
first; so on his next
home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying
herself stirring stew with
a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had
realized he was gay.
Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean,
"Well...yes." Still without looking up:
"Does that mean you suck men`s penises?"
Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an
affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the
threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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