Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [3.2.12]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


Why do they bury lawers 26 feet underground?

Because deep down, they are really nice guys. 

1. 




Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres has a new line of sneakers "coming 
out"?

They're called "dykeees". They have a longer than normal tongue and you 
can get them off with one finger!



2. 




    The Wisdom of Youth Never give up because life gets harder
   as you get older.
   After preschool the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and
   bumpier. Angela Martin, age 11
   Never blow in a cat's ear because if you do, usually after three or
   four times, they will bite your lips! And they don't let go for at
   least a minute. Lisa Coburn, age 9
   Don't think life is easy, because when you get older it is hard work.
   I used to think life was easy, now I have to do the dishes every other
   day. Nick Coleman, age 9
   Take risks. I mean, if you like this person and you don't know if they
   like you, ask them out and see what happens. I liked this girl and I
   asked her out. She said no and she hates me now, but I took that risk.
   Bruce Wagner, age 13
   A realist is more correct about things in life than an optimist. But
   the optimist seems to have more friends and much more fun. Megan, age
   14
   When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
   atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with
   explosions. When people run around and around in circles we say they
   are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. Rainbows are
   just to look at, not to really understand. Someday we may discover how
   to make magnets that can point in any direction. A vibration is a
   motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. Many
   dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to
   be oil. Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you
   don't why you should. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to
   let them know we know they're there. Some oxygen molecules help fires
   burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against
   brother.


3. 




Sign of drinking problem...

You shout, "I'm not as think you drunk I am."


Sent by JC

4. 




   A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his
   homosexuality and
   decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother
   first; so on his next
   home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying
   herself stirring stew with
   a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had
   realized he was gay.
   Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean,
   homosexual?"
   "Well...yes." Still without looking up:
   "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?"
   Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an
   embarrassed
   affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the
   wooden spoon
   threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about
   my cooking
   again!"
   


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 March '12 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
            1  2  3  
4  5  6  7  8  9  10 
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 
18 19 20 21 22 23 24 
25 26 27 28 29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.