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Today's jokes [3.15.12]

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Q. Why is the section of body between a womans breasts and 
her croutch called a waste??

A. You could fit another pair of breasts there  

Sent by sam

1. 




A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,
he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding
a frying pan in hand.
Man:  "What was that for?"
Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy" 
written on it?"
Man:  "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse
races? Marylou was the name of the horse I bet on."
The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.
Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again
he is bonked on the head.
Man:  "What's that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called."

2. 




A well dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cab and 
asked to be taken to LaGuardia.  While stuck in the traffic jam,
the businessman leaned forward and said, "How's your spirit of
adventure?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I have to be in Chicago for a meeting, but the thought of
flying there just bores me to tears.  Why not drive me there?
The meeting is only an hour.  I'll pay the gas, tolls, your hotel
room, meals, and then you can drive me back tomorrow."
The driver said, "Sure, why not?"  and off they went.  
They motored through Jersey, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana,
and finally into Chicago.  The businessman did his meeting
(while the cabbie waited) came out, got back into the cab 
and they took off to the hotel.  They shared a huge meal, the
businessman paid for two rooms.  The next morning, they 
took off back towards Manhattan.  When they arrived, the 
meter read $4,632.85.
When they got back to the businessman's office, the man
told the cabbie, "Let me go in the bank here and I'll get you
a certified check.  I'll make it for $5000 so you'll get a sizable
tip for your trouble."
"Great," the cab driver said, "Thanks."
"One last thing.  When I give you the check, I'd like you to 
drive me home, please."
"Where's that?"
"Brooklyn."
"No way!!!  I'd have to drive back over the bridge without a 
passenger!"

3. 




A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about 
sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything 
they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the 
back of the class. 

She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh 
miss!" with his arm pumping.

"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm. Little Johnny 
stood up and proclaimed to the class, "at our house, we have everything."

"Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has 
everything."

"We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day."

"Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked.

"Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, 
and told poppa she was pregnant. That's when my dad said "God, that's all 
we needed."

4. 




Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya 
going boy?"

The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."

The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no 
dang lantern."

"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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