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Today's jokes [3.14.12]

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This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's 
pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the
dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries
its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, 
hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy,
"Did you hear that Fluffy died?".
The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. er.. no.. what happened?".
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day.
But the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, we went
outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him
back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"

1. 




What's a man's idea of foreplay? 

     -A half-hour of begging. 

2. 




When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by 
the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs 
on his pipe and said, "I have an informal piece of advice for you, 
Miss Bell.  There's only one way you can get along in this 
school without submitting to the sexual advances of the
principal."

"Oh my God!  Well, er, what was is that?"

"I'll explain it, " he continued, "as soon as you've undressed."

3. 




A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an 
anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock 
them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this 
store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who 
explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man 
explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago
and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to 
bring in his last purchase and he will try  to match the product.

The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows 
the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the 
customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously 
of the underarm stick variety.

The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, "Push 
up bottom to use."

4. 




Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: A quarter-pounder with cheese.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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