Today's jokes [3.11.12]
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What is the difference between the government and the Mafia?
One of them is organized.
A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't
usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty
woman is the driver so he goes back to help. As he is hooking his truck to
her car he says, "You know, you are the first pregnant woman I've ever
helped out of a ditch".
"But I'm not pregnant," she says.
"Well you're not out of the ditch yet," he says.
Q: Why do cavemen drag women by the hair instead of ankles?
A: So they don't fill up with rocks!!!
he Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter
festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me,
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made
up of members in good standing of the Musicians
Equity Union as called for in their union contract
even though they will not be asked to play a note...),
TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the
patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing
milk-products from enslaved bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected
SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced
(Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened
to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French
hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native
habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the
remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed
...And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or
an airline stewardess?
A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says, "We're
going to have to do this over and over
again until we get it right." An airline stewardess says, "Just hold this
over your mouth and nose, and breath
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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