Today's stories [2.12.12]

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I was out walking with my then 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something
off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.

"Why?"

"Because it's been laying outside and it is dirty and probably has germs."

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How
do you know all this stuff?"

Uh, I was thinking quickly, "...all moms knows this stuff. Um, it's on the
Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently
pondering this new information.

OH...I get It!" she beamed, "So if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."

A sign seen over the toilet paper dispenser in a military "latrine" 
(bathroom): "Another quality product of the 3M company, sandpaper 
division."

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You 
know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a 
psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to 
kill you too! 

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