Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [2.6.12]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the 
landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the 
housewife told a neighbor.

"You didn't do it, did you?"

"I have to admit I did -- though with certain misgivings, I might 
add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent 
is paid up for six months!"

1. 




Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were 
planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being 
an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from 
some of the surrounding colleges to attend.

The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that 
arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most 
trustworthy students.

The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to 
send a dozen or so of the other kind ?"

2. 




   A young couple from the country honeymooned at a really fancy
   ocean-side resort. because they knew it would be expensive, they had
   planned to limit their stay to just the weekend, but were just unable
   to leave, enjoying themselves and each other so much, and extended
   their stay another day. Upon checking out, the desk clerk said,
   "That'll be an additional $150 apiece."
   
   "Good God man !!!" cried the groom, totally shocked, "That's two
   thousand two-hundred and fifty dollars !!! Are you crazy ???"


3. 




A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of 
his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was 
touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. 
One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of 
cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove 
was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist's patient was 
disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting 
to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn't mention how they 
made condoms.

4. 




   Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away to
   his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature
   honeymoon'...
   
   He carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when
   Betty-Sue whispers in his ear "Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain never been
   with a man b'fore."
   
   "WHAT???" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her
   head...
   
   Billy-Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the door,
   into his truck.... down the mountain.... straight to his parents
   house... rushes inside screaming "Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!" .....
   
   His father rushes downstairs and gasps... "Billy-Joe, what'r you doin
   here?"
   
   Billy-Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps "Well,
   Betty-Sue an I was in the' cabin, and she toll' me she ain't never
   been with a man' afore.... so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back
   here... quick as I could!"
   
   His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says "SON,
   Ya done the right thing.... Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her family,
   she shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!!"
   


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 February '12 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
         1  2  3  4  
5  6  7  8  9  10 11 
12 13 14 15 16 17 18 
19 20 21 22 23 24 25 
26 27 28 29 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.