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Today's jokes [2.26.12]

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Q: What's the definition of virginity?
A: A big issue over a little tissue.

1. 




Q: What do you have when you have two green balls in your hand?
A: Kermit's undivided attention.


2. 




There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard some noise, so he 
looked inside, and lo and behold there was an Indian down in the hole.
The cowboy said, "How long have you been down there?"
The Indian replied, "Many moons."

3. 




Frivolous Old Gal



I have become a little older since I last saw you and a few changes have come
into my life. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five
gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up Will Power helps me get out of bed.
Then I go see John. Next, Charlie Horse comes along and when he is here, he
takes a lot of time and attention. When he leaves Arthur Ritis shows up and
stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he
takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I'm really tired and
glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life! Oh, yes, I'm also flirting with
Al Zymer.

P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age, I
should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, "Oh, I do all the time.
No matter where I am: in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the
basement, I ask myself, now what am I hereafter?"

4. 




A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in
the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, "There might be a problem.  You see, I only have room for
two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," spoke the Rabbi.  "My people wandered in the desert for forty
years.  I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening."  With that
he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door.  The farmer opened the door,
and there stood the Rabbi from the barn.  "What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn.  There is
a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him.  But a few minutes late
the same scene occurs.  There is a knock on the door.  "What's wrong, now?"
the farmer asked.

The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but
there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred.  I
can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change.  He grumbled and
complained, but went out to the barn.  Moments later there was another
knock on the farmer's door.  Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the
door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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