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Today's jokes [2.22.12]

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After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and 
insane regulations at the department of motor vehiciles, a lady stopped at 
a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection - a 
baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. 
"Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, " 
I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehical bureau. I am way past 
sane!!" "Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or or you 
going back there?"

1. 




A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor
 puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, 'Big breaths...'
 The girl replies, 'Yeth and I'm not even thixteen.'


2. 




I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen,
they don't come in when you call, they like
to stay out all night, come home and expect
to be fed and stroked, then want to be left
alone and sleep. In other words, every quality
that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

3. 




An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old
man sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's the
problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've
got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is
make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment
we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another old
man sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's the
problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've
got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is
make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment
we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"

4. 




A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the
Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife
went on the ride by herself.

The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and
landed in a heap at her husband's feet.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave
once!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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