Today's jokes [2.2.12]

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Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He 
ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, "What are those bags for?"
"I'm collecting for Israel", said Mr. Goldfarb.
"You need two bags?", asked Mr. Klein.
"I've got a system, said Mr. Goldfarb. It's fantastic. I go into the men's 
room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say, 'Give for Israel or 
get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag.
"What do you have in the other bag?", inquired Mr. Klein.
"Oh, well, not everybody gives."

   What's so great about being a dick ?
   1) You've got a head with no brains.
   2) Two nuts follow you around all day.
   3) Your neighbor is an asshole.
   4) Your best friend is a cunt !
   

The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to
   the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board.
   
   When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and
   coolly replied, "Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing
   of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed
   'bored'."

   A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along
   and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived
   at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage
   to his precious BMW.
   "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined.
   "You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted
   the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you
   didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
   "Oh my gaaawd...," replied the yuppie, finally noticing the bloody
   left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?!!!!!"
   

What's the difference between condoms and coffins?

They both hold something stiff but one's coming and
one's going!

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