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Today's jokes [2.19.12]

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What do you call a dog with two balls and no hind legs?

Sparky

1. 




One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I 
have a problem!" 

"What's the problem, Eve?" 

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful 
garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious 
comedy snake, but I'm just not happy." 

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. 

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." 

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man 
for you." 

"What's a 'man', Lord?" 

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, 
an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you 
properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger 
and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at 
fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed 
ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack." 

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. 

"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt 
stick. But, you can have him on one condition." 

"What's that, Lord?" 

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

2. 




Q: What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?

A: Wipe it off and say you're sorry.

3. 




The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright
as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept
of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, 
thinking visual images would help. 
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, 
the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. 
"Now do you understand?" he asked. 
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

4. 




   Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't
   I need you to whip it out by 5:00!
   Mind if I use your laptop?
   Put this in my box before you leave.
   I want it on my desk now!
   Hmm.. I think I'm out of fluid.
   My equipment's so old, it takes forever to finish!
   It's an entry level position.
   When do you think you'll be getting off today?
   It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits back!
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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