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Today's jokes [2.14.12]

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"Mr. Chilton," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last 
visit."

"Does that mean I'm cured?" he asked.

"For all practical purposes, yes," she said. "I think we can 
safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You 
haven't stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know 
where the kleptomania came from."

"Well, that's terrific, Doctor. Before I go, I'd like to tell you 
something. Although our relationship is strictly professional, it's 
been one of the most rewarding of my life. I wish I could do 
something to repay you for helping me."

"You've paid my fee," the doctor said. "That's the only 
responsibility you have."

"I know," Chilton said. "But isn't there some personal favor I 
could do for you?"

"Well," the doctor said, "I'll tell you what. If you ever suffer a 
relapse, my son could use a nice portable color television."

1. 




In a Texas bar,The bartender Fred was fed up with penis boasting from the
regulars.So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them "whip 'em
out".Fred pulls a yard stick from under the bar,at the same time a gay guy
walks into the bar.Fred ask the man if there is something that he can get for
him.The gay  guy replies "i was going to get a beer,but i'll check your buffett
first"

2. 




How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull?

Marry her !

Sent by Bob

3. 




I'm not so sure evolution is indeed a valid theory. I mean, think
about it --  if it were, wouldn't all blondes have grown handles
by now?

4. 




What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?

A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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