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Today's jokes [2.13.12]

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Mrs. Grednik, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her 
weight-watchers meeting ."My husband insists I come to these 
meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim 
figure." she lamented to the woman next to her.

"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that?"

"He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings."

1. 




Did you hear about Tempura House?
It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

2. 




Why did the blonde fail her driver's license exam?

     She wasn't used to the front seat! 

Why did she finally pass her test?

     She took the examiner with her. 

3. 




It's the first day of school and the teacher told her kindergarten class,
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, you should hold up two fingers."
After a moment of quiet thought, Little Johnny asked: "How will that 
help?" 


4. 




One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his
warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says "Big
Chief, no shit". the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief
should be fine tomorrow.

The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. the next morning
the warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says "big chief, no 
shit". the doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the 
chief.

The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet again
saying "big chief, no shit". the doctor gets annoyed and so gives the
warrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief.

The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor (AGAIN):

"Big shit, no chief".

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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