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Today's jokes [2.1.12]

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A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally 
swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no
ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, 
undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he 
looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him. 
"You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

1. 




The new FDA milk labeling rules are so strict, it's now illegal to print a 
picture of a missing fat kid on a carton of skim milk.

2. 




Old Chinese proverb:

Rape impossible!
Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down!

3. 




Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. 
One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator 
together at the end of an unbearable hot, sticky day. The younger man was 
completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was 
fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen 
to drooling patients from morning till night on a day like this and still 
look so spry and unbothered when it's over."
The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?" 


4. 




There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for
a soldier and propositioned him. 
The Salvation Army gent said, "Ma'am, you may be forgiven, 
as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you 
familiar with the concept of 'original sin'?"
The hooker replied, "Well, maybe and maybe not. But if
it's "really" original, it'll cost you an extra $20."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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