Today's stories [12.15.12]

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Actual Police Accounts
The woman in question, a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for 
speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked 
up to her window and opened his ticket book she said: "I bet you're going 
to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "No, 
highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what 
he'd said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. 
She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.

Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He 
decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General 
Motors. The comparison went like this: If automotive technology
had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you 
would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top 
speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or you could have an economy car that 
weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either 
case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50. In response to 
all this goading, GM responds: "Yes, but would you really want to drive a 
car that crashes twice a day?

New paint store just opened up by my place, so I decided as any 
red-blooded, sexually repressed young lad to pay it a visit. When I went 
in I saw signs all over advertising the newest color: "Natural Blonde". 
There weren't any samples around, so I asked the clerk to describe it to 
me. He replied, "Natural Blonde? Wonderful new paint: not too bright, but 
spreads easily!"

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