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Today's jokes [12.8.12]

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Whats the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad?

A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit" while a horney toad croaks "Rub-it


One day a lady went to the doctor's office and told the doctor
that her husband wasn't interested in her any more he just
wouldn't have sex with her anymore.
So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of
100 pills. He told her that "if you give your husband one of
these pills then he would have sex with you." 
So she bought the pills and took them home. She put one in his
dinner and he ate it. They had sex till midnight. The next day
she thought it was so good that she wanted some more. so she put
two in his dinner and they had sex till twelve noon the next day.
She thought it was so good that she put all of the pills in his
dinner and he ate it.
Three weeks later a little kid was outside screaming and a guy
walked up to him and asked him what was wrong. The little kid
said, "My mom is dead, my sister is pregnant, my asshole hurts
and my dad is in there on the floor saying, 'here kitty kitty


Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked
a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you
looking for?"

The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending
on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of
5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased
every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."


Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants? 

     - So people can read her lips. 


How are lawyers like sperm? 

    One out of a million turns out to be a human being. 


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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