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Today's jokes [12.7.12]

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Why are E.T.s eyes so big?

                    Because he saw the phone bill.

1. 




AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS:

-  Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

-  Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding?  
   Not if you are the groom.

-  When dancing, never remove undergarments; 
   no matter how hot it is.

-  Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds 
   may get you cut.

-  A bridal veil made of window screen is not only 
   cost-effective, but also a proven fly deterrent.

-  For the groom, at least rent a tux.  A leisure suit 
   with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can 
   create a nice appearance.  Though uncomfortable, 
   say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

2. 




A man was complaining to a friend.
"I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love of a 
beautiful woman, then, POW! it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"My wife found out."

3. 




Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and 
said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step.  Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied.  "My wife has made appetizers and we have a 
caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our 
guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded.  "I mean, are you prepared
spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply.  "I've got a keg of beer and a case of 
whiskey."

4. 




Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How much money have you got?

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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