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Today's jokes [12.6.12]

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   A man's wife had been in a coma for several days following a
   particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in
   the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the
   woman's body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye
   she thought she had seen the woman's eyebrows shudder. Not quite sure,
   she tried again. This time, she actually did see some movement.
   
   "Doctor, Doctor," she called, "I saw some movement!"
   
   The Doctor came in to the room and tried as well. Once more, they both
   saw movement around the woman's eyes.
   
   "Well this is good news," said the Doctor. "I think we should call her
   husband and let him know."
   
   Anyway, they called her husband and told him that they had seen some
   movement. When he arrived, they explained that by touching her pubic
   hair, they were seeing some sort of reaction in her facial muscles.
   The Doctor suggested that the husband may like to try something a
   little more adventurous in order to provoke a stronger reaction. "I
   suggest that we leave the room and that you try a little oral sex," he
   said.
   
   The husband duly agreed and so he was left alone in the room. Several
   moments later, all the emergency alarms and buzzers were activated.
   The Doctor and a host of nurses ran in to the wife's room where they
   saw the husband zipping up his jeans.
   
   "Oops," he said, "I think I choked her."
   


1. 




How can you tell soap operas are fictional? 

     - In real life, men aren't affectionate in bed. 

2. 




There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For 
no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.

Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink 
with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago 
wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, 
sending him flying way off into the jungle.

"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.

"When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied.
"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.
"Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

3. 




What did the normal baby say to the test tube baby?

Ha..ha... your dad's a jerk off!

4. 




A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle
of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?

     The conductor. Business before pleasure. 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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