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Today's jokes [12.4.12]

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So my sister, a natural blond graduating from the University of 
North Carolina Law School, is job hunting. I suggested that 
since Microsoft is building up their legal team, she should send 
them a resume and become a southern blond Microsoft lawyer 

-- and be the butt of any joke on the internet.

1. 




What are the worst 3 years of a blondes life?

The 1st grade. 

2. 




It was laying limp in my hand. It was very long, kind of thin.  I 
slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it. I was 
turning it on.  It became firm in my hands, and the end was 
wet.  Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip.

Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.

3. 




   A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says
   "I'll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument
   that this octopus CAN'T play' The people in the bar
   look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar.
   The octopus has a look,picks it up, tunes the string,
   and starts playing the guitar.The octopus' owner
   pockets the $50 Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet.
   The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks
   it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy
   pockets yet another $50. The bar owner has been watching
   all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back
   a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
   He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his
   octopus, ' Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I'll give
   you $100. The octopus takes a long hard look at the
   bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another
   look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner
   comes over and says 'What are you waitin for? Hurry up
   and play that damn thing!
   The octopus says, 'Play it? Hell if I can work out how
   to get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna screw it!!
   


4. 




Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband's penis. She was driving down 
the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to 
toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car 
travelling in the opposite direction.
"Shit," said the driver to his passenger. "What kind of bug was that?"
"Dunno," he replied. "But did you see the size of the cock on it?!"

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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