Today's jokes [12.4.12]
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So my sister, a natural blond graduating from the University of
North Carolina Law School, is job hunting. I suggested that
since Microsoft is building up their legal team, she should send
them a resume and become a southern blond Microsoft lawyer
-- and be the butt of any joke on the internet.
What are the worst 3 years of a blondes life?
The 1st grade.
It was laying limp in my hand. It was very long, kind of thin. I
slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it. I was
turning it on. It became firm in my hands, and the end was
wet. Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip.
Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says
"I'll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument
that this octopus CAN'T play' The people in the bar
look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar.
The octopus has a look,picks it up, tunes the string,
and starts playing the guitar.The octopus' owner
pockets the $50 Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet.
The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks
it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy
pockets yet another $50. The bar owner has been watching
all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back
a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his
octopus, ' Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I'll give
you $100. The octopus takes a long hard look at the
bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another
look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner
comes over and says 'What are you waitin for? Hurry up
and play that damn thing!
The octopus says, 'Play it? Hell if I can work out how
to get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna screw it!!
Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband's penis. She was driving down
the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to
toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car
travelling in the opposite direction.
"Shit," said the driver to his passenger. "What kind of bug was that?"
"Dunno," he replied. "But did you see the size of the cock on it?!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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