Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [12.30.12]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


Q: Why did Marshall Applewhite insist that his follwers be castrated?

A: He heard that to be really successful on the Internet you have to work
with UNIX.

1. 




Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their 
Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain 
and the top is down! 

2. 




A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It
was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly
there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even
louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny
Billy?"

"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe,
"I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So
she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks. 

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"

3. 




   A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the
   ship after a big night
   ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over
   himself. Pointing to an
   apprentice seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in
   the brig for vomiting
   on me!"
   The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that
   the young seaman
   had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.
   "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also shit in
   your pants."
   


4. 




Benefits of having Alzheimer's:

   You can wrap your own presents.
   You are always meeting new friends.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 December '12 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
                  1  
2  3  4  5  6  7  8  
9  10 11 12 13 14 15 
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 
23 24 25 26 27 28 29 
30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.