Today's jokes [12.30.12]
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Q: Why did Marshall Applewhite insist that his follwers be castrated?
A: He heard that to be really successful on the Internet you have to work
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain
and the top is down!
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It
was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly
there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even
louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny
"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe,
"I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So
she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the
ship after a big night
ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over
himself. Pointing to an
apprentice seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in
the brig for vomiting
The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that
the young seaman
had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.
"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also shit in
Benefits of having Alzheimer's:
You can wrap your own presents.
You are always meeting new friends.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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