Today's jokes [12.3.12]
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Little Johnny is excited because the circus has come to town and his
mum has got front row tickets for him. Finally the evening comes and
Little Johnny and his mum go off to the big top. Little Johnny sits
there and enjoys the lions and the tigers and the jugglers and the
trapeze artists, and finally out comes little Johnnys favourites, the
Johnny is loving the clowns and their humorous japes until one of the
clowns comes up to him and says 'Little boy are you the front end of
'No,' replies little Johnny.
'Are you the rear end of an ass?'
'No,' replies little Johnny again.
'In that case,' says the clown, 'you must be no end of an ass.'
Little Johnny is distraught and he runs out of the circus and all the
way home in tears. When his mum catches up with him she says, 'Little
Johnny don't worry, your Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit,
backchat and repartee, is coming to stay tomorrow. We will take him to
the circus and he will sort that nasty clown out.' At this news little
Johnny cheers up and looks forward to the next night.
The next night comes and, sure enough, Uncle Marvo, the master of
lightning wit, backchat and repartee arrives and the three of them set
off for the circus. When they get there Little Johnny, his mum and
Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee, sit
down and enjoy the lions, the tigers, the jugglers and the trapeze
artists, and then out come the clowns.
Again Little Johnny is enjoying their antics and yet again one of the
clowns comes up to him and says, 'Little boy are you the front end of
Quick as a flash, Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat
and repartee jumps up and shouts at the very top of his voice:
'Fuck off you Red nosed Cunt!'
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at
the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts
all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards
signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
A Frosted Flake.
Yeah, fat broads are like mopeds. They're fun to ride,
but you don't want your friends to see you on one.
Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his
buddy and says "I gotta go use the can." So he wonders off
to the bathroom and is gone for 5 ... 10... 20 minutes. Well
his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him. He finds
him in there and asks "What the hell are you doing?" The
first drunk repies "Everytime I flush, something reaches up
and grabs my balls." The second drunk looks at him and says
"Well ya dumbass, you sittin on the mop bucket"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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