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Today's jokes [12.3.12]

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   Little Johnny is excited because the circus has come to town and his
   mum has got front row tickets for him. Finally the evening comes and
   Little Johnny and his mum go off to the big top. Little Johnny sits
   there and enjoys the lions and the tigers and the jugglers and the
   trapeze artists, and finally out comes little Johnnys favourites, the
   clowns.
   
   Johnny is loving the clowns and their humorous japes until one of the
   clowns comes up to him and says 'Little boy are you the front end of
   an ass?'
   
   'No,' replies little Johnny.
   'Are you the rear end of an ass?'
   'No,' replies little Johnny again.
   'In that case,' says the clown, 'you must be no end of an ass.'
   
   Little Johnny is distraught and he runs out of the circus and all the
   way home in tears. When his mum catches up with him she says, 'Little
   Johnny don't worry, your Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit,
   backchat and repartee, is coming to stay tomorrow. We will take him to
   the circus and he will sort that nasty clown out.' At this news little
   Johnny cheers up and looks forward to the next night.
   
   The next night comes and, sure enough, Uncle Marvo, the master of
   lightning wit, backchat and repartee arrives and the three of them set
   off for the circus. When they get there Little Johnny, his mum and
   Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee, sit
   down and enjoy the lions, the tigers, the jugglers and the trapeze
   artists, and then out come the clowns.
   
   Again Little Johnny is enjoying their antics and yet again one of the
   clowns comes up to him and says, 'Little boy are you the front end of
   an ass?'
   
   Quick as a flash, Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat
   and repartee jumps up and shouts at the very top of his voice:
   
   'Fuck off you Red nosed Cunt!'
   


1. 




A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at
the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts
all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over
them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards
signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

2. 




What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

A Frosted Flake. 


3. 




   Yeah, fat broads are like mopeds. They're fun to ride,
   but you don't want your friends to see you on one.
   


4. 




Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his 

buddy and says "I gotta go use the can." So he wonders off 

to the bathroom and is gone for 5 ... 10... 20 minutes. Well 

his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him.  He finds

him in there and asks "What the hell are you doing?" The 

first drunk repies "Everytime I flush, something reaches up 

and grabs my balls." The second drunk looks at him and says

"Well ya dumbass, you sittin on the mop bucket"


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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