Today's jokes [12.15.12]
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Do you know why there aren't any ice cubes in Poland?
The inventor died and took the recipe with him.
A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife
made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was
ransacking an adjoining room.
But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to
say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there."
"No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to
What do you do when an epilectic takes a bath?
Throw in your laundry.
Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil magnate
demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his
"What's the problem?"
"I want to hit that adulterin' bitch for breach of contract,"
snapped the oil man.
"I don't know if that will fly," said the lawyer. "I mean your wife
isn't a piece of property; you don't own her!"
"Damn right," the tycoon rejoined, "but I sure as hell expect
exclusive drillin' rights!
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a
picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one
raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What
animal has a long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good
Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.
None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on
this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and
says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next
she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized
"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"
Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's
something your mother calls your father."
Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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