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Today's jokes [12.15.12]

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Do you know why there aren't any ice cubes in Poland?

The inventor died and took the recipe with him.

1. 




A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife 
made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was 
ransacking an adjoining room. 

But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to 
say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." 

"No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to 
the poisons." 

2. 




What do you do when an epilectic takes a bath? 

     Throw in your laundry. 

3. 




Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil magnate 
demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his 
young bride.

"What's the problem?"

"I want to hit that adulterin' bitch for breach of contract," 
snapped the oil man.

"I don't know if that will fly," said the lawyer.  "I mean your wife 
isn't a piece of property; you don't own her!"

"Damn right," the tycoon rejoined, "but I sure as hell expect 
exclusive drillin' rights!

4. 




One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a 
picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one 
raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What 
animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good 
Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. 
None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on 
this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and 
says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next 
she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized 
the animal.

"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"

Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's 
something your mother calls your father."

Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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