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Today's jokes [12.13.12]

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        AGE        DRINK
        17         beer
        25         beer
        35         vodka
        48         double vodka
        66         Maalox


   Magician and Parrot
   A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience
   would be
   different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same
   tricks over and over
   again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows
   each week and
   began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he
   understood he started
   shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat"
   "Look, he is hiding the
   flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades
   ?" The magician
   was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's
   One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself
   on a piece of wood
   in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at
   each other with hate,
   but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and
   After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"


Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship
that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island.

Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed
of what she was doing.

Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed
of what they were doing.

Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again--being so ashamed
of what they were doing. 


How to Hunt Elephants -- Comp Sci Style
Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A:
1.  Go to Africa
2.  Start at the Cape of Good Hope
3.  Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the
    continent alternately East and West.
4.  During each traverse
        a.  Catch each animal seen
        b.  Compare each animal caught to a known elephant
        c.  Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by
placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the
algorithm will terminate.
Sent by Alex


A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can
I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor
said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he
then charged them $32.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,
have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married
and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here
for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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