Today's jokes [12.13.12]
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48 double vodka
Magician and Parrot
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience
different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same
tricks over and over
again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows
each week and
began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he
understood he started
shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat"
"Look, he is hiding the
flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades
?" The magician
was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself
on a piece of wood
in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at
each other with hate,
but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and
After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"
Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship
that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island.
Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed
of what she was doing.
Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed
of what they were doing.
Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again--being so ashamed
of what they were doing.
How to Hunt Elephants -- Comp Sci Style
Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the
continent alternately East and West.
4. During each traverse
a. Catch each animal seen
b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant
c. Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by
placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the
algorithm will terminate.
Sent by Alex
A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can
I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor
said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he
then charged them $32.00.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,
have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married
and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here
for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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