Today's jokes [12.10.12]

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What language do the Vatican Police speak?

Pig Latin!

   Nancy goes to the gynecologist and he examines her.
   
   He says, "You have acute vaginitis."
   
   She says, "Thank you."
   

Department of the Treasury
   Internal Revenue Service
   Washington, D.C.
   To: All Male Taxpayers
   RE: Notice of increase of tax payment
   Form 1040 - P
   The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your penis. This is
   due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging
   around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off, 20% of the time
   it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole.
   On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts.
   Accordingly, as of April 1, 1998, your penis will be taxed according
   to size. To determine your category, please consult
   the chart below and confirm this informatin on page 2, section 7, line
   3, on the Standard Form 1040.
   10-16 inches Luxury Tax $50.00
   8-10 inches Pole Tax $30.00
   5-8 inches Privilege Tax $15.00
   4-5 inches Nuisance Tax $5.00
   Please note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. Please
   do not ask for an extension!!!!!!
   Additionally, males exceeding 12 inches must file under Capital Gains.
   Sincerely,
   Peter Checker
   Internal Revenue Service

Dirty Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking
   off.
   
   He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby."
   
   The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again.
   
   Johnny says, "Bow your head, Pop. Can't you see we're having a
   funeral?"
   

What is the difference between a jew and a canoe?
A canoe tips.....

Sent by deadcatz

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