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Today's jokes [11.9.12]

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You know you're in a small town.....

-  when you don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going.

-  if you're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local
   merchants because you're the first baby of the year.

-  if you speak to each dog you pass, by name ..... and he wags his tail
   at you

-  if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.

-  when the biggest business in town sells farm machinery.

-  if you write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.

-  if you missed church on Sunday and the preacher sends you a get-well card!

1. 




   An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old
   girls house. One
   day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting
   the girl. He holds up
   the football and says, "See this football? Football is a boys game,
   and only boys can have a
   football!". The little girl runs into the house and cries to her
   mother, "I want a football!"
   Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one.
   The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on
   his bike. She holds up
   the football, "Nah Nah Nah Nah". The little boy angryly points to his
   bike and says, "Oh
   yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you
   can't have one!" She
   runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys
   bike.
   The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to
   his most private of
   parts says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you
   one!!!". The next
   day he walks by and asks her, "Well, I guess I showed you!" to which
   she promptly pulls
   up her dress, points to her parts and proclaims "My mother tells me
   that as long as I have
   one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!
   


2. 




   A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he
   could buy him a drink.
   "Why of course," comes the reply.
   The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
   "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
   The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's
   have another round to
   Ireland."
   "Of course," replies the second man.
   Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
   "Dublin," comes the reply.
   "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's
   have another drink to
   Dublin."
   "Of course," replies the second man.
   Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you
   go to?"
   "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62."
   "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's
   and I graduated in '62,
   too!"
   About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
   "What's been going
   on?" he asks the bartender.
   "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk
   again."
   


3. 




We've all heared that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters
will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare.  Now, thanks to
the internet, we know this is not true.

4. 




"Look at me." an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his 
birthday bash. "I've aged like a fine old carefully stored wine."

"I certainly have to agree with that." piped-up his obviously long 
suffering wife. "Henry's cork's been stationary for years."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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