Today's jokes [11.8.12]
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What's Britney Spears' next career goal?
To learn how to sing.
Why did God create man first?
So he wouldn't have to be told how to do it.
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to
Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says "I want my $20 million."
To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way.
We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest
spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT
now! I won it, and I want it."
Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a
million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I
WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20
million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!
Q: What's the worst part about eating vegetables?
A: The wheelchair.
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the
iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the
Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that
this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people
died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered,
"about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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