Today's jokes [11.30.12]
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The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time
came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on
them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing
that he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the
class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the
blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what
Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him
just what that was.
"It's a period" reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that" she said. "But
what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she
missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next
door shot himself."
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
A woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it's finally her
turn. She enters the doctors' office and sits down. The PhD asks her:
"Well, what can I do for you madam?".
The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so
he says: "You can discuss any matter with me, everything is strictly
So the patient says: "My husband complains that my pussy smells bad, is
there a cure for this?"
"Sure", the doctor says, "It can be a fungus, or a little infection,
nothing unusual, please undress and lay down, so I can examine you and
prescribe a treatment."
The woman undresses, gets up the bed and with her legs spread waits until
the doctor attends her. He comes in, walks towards here, starts gasping
for air, covers his mouth and nose with a hand and runs out of the office.
After a minute or so, he enters again, covering his mouth and nose with
one hand an a 7 feet wooden stick with an iron hook on it in the other
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh, what will you do to me?" shouts the patient.
"Nothing", says the doctor, "I'm just going to open the roof window a
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his
left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache
and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour
later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.
"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."
"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever
tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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