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Today's jokes [11.24.12]

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Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his 
first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my 
old truck in the corral," Joe began. 
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. 
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued. 
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him. 
"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on. 
"That would be the usher," Charlie explained. 
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said. 
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said. 
"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. 
"Pew," Charlie retorted. 
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down 
beside her."


An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat 
down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, 
"Going to a party?"
"Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." 
"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protested the barkeep.
"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."


A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going
into labor!"

The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"

He says, "No! This is her husband!"


A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of
the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana.
Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he 
explained, "pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and 
"Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration?
That's absurd!"
"Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just 
suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"


The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously
awaiting news of their mother. 
Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom. 
"Kid's......there's good news and bad news." 
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to
live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she
died a few moments ago" 
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!" 


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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