Today's jokes [11.19.12]
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A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by
the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human
brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive
intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it
attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making
the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
Two guys were out hunting, but they weren't getting any ducks.
"What do you think the problem is?" one man asked his companion.
"I dunno," came the reply, "Maybe we aren't throwing the dog up high
Two homosexuals were talking when one of them happened to mention that he
had gotten circumcised last week. "Can I see it?" asked the second gay guy.
So the first guy promptly dropped his pants to show off his operation.
"Oooh," squealed his friend, "You look ten years younger!"
Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers.
The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the
rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes
into the back and brings out another pack. "Nah," says Johnny, "what else
do you have?" "Well," the chemist replies, "the only other kind that I
have are the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them. Do you know what
these will do to a woman?" Little Johnny says, "No... but they'll make a
goat jump about two feet off of the ground!"
A department store had to call off its special summer sale in August
because of a conflict -- its Christmas sale was beginning two days later.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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