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Today's jokes [11.18.12]

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    A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices
   two motor bikes still parked out the front. He goes round the back of
   the pub only to find two bikies, one with his fingers up the bum of
   the other.
   "So what's going on here?" he asks.
   The bikie replies "My mate here has had too much to drink and I'm
   trying to make him vomit."
   The cop says "I think you should be sticking your fingers down his
   THROAT!"
   The bikie replies "That's what I'm going to do next!"


1. 




Why do Farts stink?

So that Deaf people can enjoy them too.

2. 




   A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, "I would like
   one of your special
   full English breakfasts". "No problem." Comes the greasy little fat
   girls reply from behind
   the counter. "But I want it MY way." says the man.
   "What do you mean your way?" comes the reply.
   The man says, "well, I what the eggs only just about done so they look
   like I have snotted
   on them." he says. "I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot
   on the top, and
   freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with
   grease, with more rind
   than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease
   trickles in to the snotty egg
   and beans."
   "I dont have the time to do all that!" came the reply from the greasy
   little fat girl.
   "WELL YOU FUCKING HAD TIME YESTERDAY!!!!!!!" came the reply.
   


3. 




One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk.
He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking
through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old
boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, "Young
man, you're much too young to smoke!"

The kid looks up at the Pope and says, "Fuck you!"

The Pope is completely taken aback. "What?" he says. "You say
that to *me*, the Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ, the head of
the Roman Catholic Church? I am the spiritual leader for
millions of people, young man, the representative of God,
and you dare to say that to *me*? No, no, no, kid, fuck *YOU*!"

4. 




What is the difference between Prince Charles and OJ Simpson?

A: Prince Charles' (ex)wife was killed by a white man in a black car.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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