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Today's jokes [11.12.12]

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AMNESIA:

Condition that enables a woman who has gone through
labor to have sex again.



1. 




A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.
"Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts.
"Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die,
they inflate and float you up to heaven."
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off
quite satisfied.
Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into
the kitchen.
"Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!"
What do you mean? says his mother.
Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor.  Both her
balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling
"God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!"

2. 




President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the 
season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and 
whispers something in Clinton's ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at 
Hillary and yells, "Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!". She looks surprised but 
leaves. The pitcher looks at Clinton and says, "No, I said to throw out 
the first PITCH!" 

3. 




   A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had
   prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little
   worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
   
   "Doctor, the hormones you`ve been giving me have really helped, but
   I`m afraid that you`re giving me too much. I`ve started growing hair
   in places that I`ve never grown hair before."
   
   The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal
   side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
   
   "On my balls."
   


4. 




An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, 
and would he have any suggestions.
"Yes," says the Doctor, "I would advise you to take in a boarder."
A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is 
going. He says fine his wife is pregnant.
The Doctor remarks: "so you took my advise and took in a boarder?"
"Yes I did, is the reply, and she's pregnant also....."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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