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Today's jokes [11.1.12]

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Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his 
neighbor, "Ray, may I borrow your axe?"  

"Not today," Ray replied, "I have to make soup."

"What kind of excuse it that?!" demanded Joe.  

"Well," confessed Ray, "I admit its a lousy excuse.  But, if I 
don't want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good as 


A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after 
staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, 
walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began 
fondling her. 

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought 
you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she 

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."


How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many can you afford?


What do you get if you cross your missus with a pit bull?

Your very last headjob.


Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?

It rips off your arm, then runs for help.


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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