Today's jokes [10.8.12]
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Lesbians can also take Viagra.
They don't have to swalow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
by Dennis DiPasquale
The other day I went to the local religious book store,
where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it
and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I
did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the
light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the
Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper
sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus.
Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY
love the lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and
yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a
football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!!!"
Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and
waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have
been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him
yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a
funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed,
looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the
Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him
the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice black
man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear
him very well, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," or
"Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must
really love the lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in
the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were
walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I
noticed that the light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a
good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the
intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way
out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian
good luck sign, as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such
Did you hear about the welfare doll?
You wind it up and it doesn't work.
These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one
lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push
over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous
direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse
over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round
and returned home an hour later from a completely different
direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.
Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in
hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this
The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie.
Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."
At this revalation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys
severely and sent them to bed without supper.
In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the brekfast
table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their
father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"
"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned
that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd
chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he
told the truth."
"Ah yes!' said the farmer, "BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the
cherry tree when he chopped it down!!!"
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana?
One's composing, the other is decomposing.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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