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Today's jokes [10.4.12]

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A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would 
like, and she replies, "Gimme a beer." 
The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" 
To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?" 


What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
An elephant is grey.

What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colorblind)


This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic
walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his
lustful desires rise to a fever pitch.
He is just about to put the  hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't
mind but I'm busting to have a piss".
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why
don't you go behind these bushes".
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.
As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling
down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through
a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his
hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long,
thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!".
"No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."


A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new
territory.  He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and
before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties
all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that
horseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it."  

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

He Salesman says, "why do you ask?"

She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet." 


   When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake
   City, Utah, a woman
   told the man sitting beside her, "I understand this is the home of the
   Mormon religion
   where husbands believe it's OK to have more than one wife." That's
   true," he replied, "as
   a matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives."
   disgusting,"she said,"you should be ashamed of yourself, such
   practices should be against
   the law and you ought to be hung." With a slight grin, he just said,
   "Yes, mam I am."


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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