Today's jokes [10.28.12]
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What's the difference between a bull and a cow?
A bull smiles when you milk it.
A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so
after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the
minor of three possible operations.
The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not
pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he
recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious
operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back
in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one.
After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes
normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in
conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular
examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so
happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this
third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad,
but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy
for weeks after."
"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard
operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather
than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to
Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
A very very rich gentleman dies,leaving his fortune to his only living
friends, a Doctor, a
CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated
that each one must
place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his
final resting place. The
funeral comes and goes. Over a year later the three friends are
talking over lunch and the
topic of the old man and his strange ways comes into the conversation.
The Doctor finally
says "I have to be honest, I didn't place ALL of the money into his
coffin, I kept five
million". Then the CEO states "Well, I have to admit that I too kept
some of the cash. Ten
million to be exact". The Lawyer glares at the two and says "I am
ASHAMED of you two,
I wrote a check for the FULL amount!"
Q: Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters
will improve your sex life?
A: Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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