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Today's jokes [10.28.12]

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What's the difference between a bull and a cow?

A bull smiles when you milk it.

1. 




A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so 
after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the 
minor of three possible operations. 

The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not 
pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he 
recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious 
operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative. 

But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back 
in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one. 

After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes 
normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in 
conceiving a baby.

Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular 
examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so 
happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this 
third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, 
but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy 
for weeks after."

"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard 
operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather 
than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to 
your uterus."

2. 




Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen 
   donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

3. 




   A very very rich gentleman dies,leaving his fortune to his only living
   friends, a Doctor, a
   CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated
   that each one must
   place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his
   final resting place. The
   funeral comes and goes. Over a year later the three friends are
   talking over lunch and the
   topic of the old man and his strange ways comes into the conversation.
   The Doctor finally
   says "I have to be honest, I didn't place ALL of the money into his
   coffin, I kept five
   million". Then the CEO states "Well, I have to admit that I too kept
   some of the cash. Ten
   million to be exact". The Lawyer glares at the two and says "I am
   ASHAMED of you two,
   I wrote a check for the FULL amount!"
   


4. 




Q: Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters
   will improve your sex life?
A: Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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