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Today's jokes [10.25.12]

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One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing,
"You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!"
The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and 
asked what they meant.  The startled parents did their best to get out of 
the situation, "You see son, bitch and bastard are what adults call each 
other sometimes and dick and cunt is a nickname we gave our coats." The boy
shrugged his shoulders and went off to play.  Later that day the boy was 
watching his dad shave.  Suddenly his dad blurted out, "Shit" when he cut
himself.  The boy asked, "dad what does that mean?" and his dad cleverly 
replied, "That's the brand of shaving cream I'm using."  So the boy wandered 
into the kitchen where his mom was preparing a turkey for company that 
evening.  As he was watching, his mom burned herself on the stove and 
blurted out "Fuck".  Again the boy asked the meaning and the frustrated 
mother snapped at him, "It's french for cooking now go awnser the door! The
company is already here!"  So the boy went, oopened the door, and put his 
new vocabulary to use, "Hello bitches and bastards, you can hang your cunts
and dicks in the closet.  My dad is still in the bathroom putting shit on 
his face and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey." 

1. 




Q: Why do Southern guys go to family reunions?
A: To meet chicks. 


2. 




   This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a
   coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her
   wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her
   and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my
   God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law.
   
   She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar. "It
   figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices
   is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner
   jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with
   his drink.
   
   "What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town and
   almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal....and then...I come
   in here....and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in
   public!!!!??"
   
   "Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "you don't expect him to
   catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"
   


3. 




There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary 
school working nights as a taxidermist. 

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better 
serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his 
practice and, therefore, his income. 

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, 
Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!" 

4. 




A tourist from the United States of America is at a resturant
in Havana.  He tells the waiter that the USA is the best
country in the world because of the freedoms it has.  He says,
"Take Freedom of Speech for example.  I could stand in front
of the White House in Washington D.C. and yell 'President
Clinton is a bastard!' and nothing would be done to me."  The
Cuban waiter replies, "We have that same freedom in Cuba.  I
could stand in front of El Capital and yell the same thing and
nothing would be done to me too!"

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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