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Today's jokes [10.22.12]

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Did you know that once you get married,
           you can look forward to three different kinds of sex?
                                      
   First, there's House Sex:
          That's when you make love all over the house: on the floor, on
          the kitchen table, in the garage, anywhere, anytime -- much
          like two crazed rabbits.
          
   Then comes Bedroom Sex:
          That's when the kids are finally fed, bathed and asleep; the
          curtains closed; nothing much on TV; and the door locked -- you
          make love in the bedroom.
          
   Last comes Hall Sex:
          That's when you pass each other in the hall and snarl -- "Screw
          You !"




1. 




How do you separate the Greek boys from the Greek men at a Greek BBQ?

With a Crowbar!!!!!

2. 




A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great 
Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the 
terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate 
keeper, "Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas."

"The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not Saint Peter and 
second, you really don't know where you are at all, do you ?"

3. 




    Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka
   had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers,
   the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction.
   "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?"
   "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the
   seeds into their pockets."


4. 




A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind 
a big fat lady. The little boy says, "hey dad, look how fat that lady is!"
"Shhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you."
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!"
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice and it's rude!"
Suddenly the fat lady's beeper goes off.
"Look out dad, she's backing up!" 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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