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Today's jokes [10.2.12]

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If Radio Shack made toasters...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything
about it. You would be able to buy all the parts to build
your own toaster.

1. 




Mary came back from lunch to find that all the girls
in the office had removed their clothes and were lying 
on the floor naked. She lost no time in taking off her 
dress and joining them, but as soon as she laid down
the girl on her right hissed, "Turn over, Mary - this is 
a stock up, not an office party!"

2. 




A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said,
"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad
news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good
news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain
transplants and there has been an accident right out front
and a young couple was killed and you can have whichever
brain you'd like. The man's brain costs $100,000.00 and the
woman's brain costs "30,000.00." 

The patient could not help but ask, "Why such a large
difference between the male and the female brain?" 

The doctor replied, "The female brain is used." 

3. 




    A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to
   Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know I
   was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to
   Heaven, but I'm really curious... What does Hell look like?"
   So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, "I'll tell
   you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are
   officially entered into Heaven. Come with me." And so Saint Peter lead
   the man to an elevator and said, "Take this elevator to the very
   bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like,
   but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator."
   The man said "Thank you" and then climbed into the elevator and hit
   the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the
   elevator the doors opened and the man peered out. Before him was a
   lifeless frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains
   of ice through blankets of snow. Remembering what Saint Peter said,
   the man quickly pushed the button for the top floor, the doors closed
   and he traveled back up to Heaven.
   After returning to Heaven the man approached Saint Peter and said,
   "I'm ready to enter into Heaven now, but before I do I have just one
   more question." "Go ahead", replied Saint Peter, and so the man asked,
   "I thought Hell would be fire and brimstone, but instead all I saw was
   snow and ice. Is that what it's really like?"
   Saint Peter thought about this for a second and finally answered,
   "Snow and ice, huh. I guess the Denver Broncos finally won the Super
   Bowl !!"


4. 




Attorney to witness: "And where was the location of the 
accident?"

Witness: "Approximately milepost 499."

Attorney: "And where is milepost 499?"

Witness: "About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 
500."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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